BOOK REVIEW TURNED JOURNAL ENTRY: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years- Donald Miller

Ok, I got this book from the library and started reading it last week. This is by my new favorite author, Donald Miller; Blue Like Jazz. The book started out a lot less deep and thought provoking then it ended up, and all is forgiven because later in the book you realize that was planned, purposeful and it calls for the reader to not just read the book, but experience it. (The latter 3/4ths of the book was finished in one day. AMAZING!)  The book was also praised by my Hoover Jr. High friend Jamie Tworkowski, so I knew it had to be good. Good? No...more like a very timely, important and awesome encounter. This was one of those times where the Holy Spirit had me read something to change me. To further reiterate that point, this book is about "The Story"...the process of a story, understanding what makes a story good, viewing your life as a sub-story within a bigger story, and engaging. 3 other times this week, all from different sources, the Lord has brought this concept and exact language to my awareness! I am listening!

So, read the book! It has mind blowing true stories, like about how he rode his bike across America! It is filled with riches and beauty all the way through. But this book review is really about how his story affected mine:
Personally this book helped me organize my theological world view. Years ago it used to look like a cloud of this:
     GrAcE...ReAlIty...SuPeRnAtUral...PaiN...PeAce...TrAgedy...UnSAfe...SaFE...DiFFereNce...NorMAl...

Then, throughout the course of the last few years I realized it looked like this:
                     Grace
Grace             ME                 Grace
                    Grace
...So, I used to live from the belief that grace is for salvation, the removal of you sins, and a positional inheritance in Christ...but NOT for living here on Earth. Meaning, one becomes a Christian by the kindness and grace of GOD, but then it is up to them to prove, demonstrate and strive for righteousness by being a disciplined, 'good' person, as an offering of thanks to God. I was very anxious and filled with a lot of shame during those years. Go Figure! So over the past 5 years I have come to live from the corrected belief that the grace of GOD is what changes, motivates and empowers one to love God, live for HIM, and love others beyond anything that we are capable of  ourselves. That is when my inside life started changing...peace, joy, forgiveness of self, love of others, healing.
I also truly and 100% believe that when Jesus told us to pray that the Kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven He meant it because it is POSSIBLE! No tears, no sickness, no despair, poverty, fear, cancer, addictions, disabilities...the list goes on are found in Heaven. Do you know that everytime someone was brought to Jesus in the Gospels He healed them?! YES! Not just the God fearing, faith filled ones alone! The problem people (hint: we are all problem people!)! So, I believe that as Christians we are ALL able to access this type of revolutionary power to love and pray for people and see the KINGDOM (miraculous) infect their problems and lives. God's power is not just for the elders, priests, nuns, deacons, blah blah blah...it is for ALL who have been saved and changed from the inside out. We have Him, we can give Him in the unique and beautiful ways He has created us to give!  I believe this with all of my heart. I do NOT believe that God gives anyone sickness or death to teach them something. THEREIN LIES THE TENSION! I have prayed for many, many people to be healed, to have that 'problem' fixed.I gave seen tons of prayers answered,  some miraculously, and I have seen tons of prayers 'not' answered. There is a drawer of un-filed papers in my mind concerning these...the mysteries of walking with God. The gray scale of prayer...does it matter? does it work? are things any different then what they would be?  ...Unequivocally YES! BUT! Maybe it is not just in the answering or not answering of a prayer a certain way, but in the process of the one who is praying, or being prayed for, engaging with their Creator, that deposits a bit more of HIS love and mercy into our souls and answers the deeper questions.

Over the past few years I have had some offensive blows to my faith. A miscarriage, the death of a friend who was a young mom in her early 30's due to cancer, the death of two seperate dear friends's babies, the death of JP's step dad, the on-going sacrifices made by a friend waiting for her child's healing, the crushing blows of disappointments that others around me have endured, not to mention the natural disasters such as Haiti, Chile and Japan. Seriously...how are we to pick ourselves up and believe that GOD is good, we are safe, and HE is in control? Because HE is! Last night I realized I had to redefine my heart's compass of safety. I so love Tim and my kids that I can easily opt out of a worthy story for a pain- free, happy and boring life! I do have a happy life...that is not a bad thing! We are so blessed to be in the place we are in. Overwhelming blessed...it can haunt me if I am not careful. However, blessed, also, are those who are poor in spirit...for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. The problem with a simplistic view of  happiness is that it forfeits us from living the life that GOD has designed for each of us. It chains us to the fear that we have to hold on, play it safe and guard what we have.

This is what I learned: The only movies I repeat watch are happy ones: White Christmas, Ramona and Beezus, Elf. However, the really, really rich movies are the ones I have stored in my memory: Braveheart, Big Fish, Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Same with books. The books that have changed me on the inside I never re-read because, to be honest, they all contained some serious cries and pain...and I do whatever I can to avoid serious crying and pain!  I realized last night that I can tend to internally live like that too.  I can hold on to Tim so tight that I can forget to love him more fearlessly. I can worry so much about my childrens's futures that I taint today with sadness. I can feel so devastated over world events that I forget to live and give from a place of peace, faith and joy. It is not all about the happy endings here on earth. It is about living a good story. A good story is only made from a place of adventure, risk and yes, pain. However, in Christ, any pain is purposed and redeemed. This may sound like a contradiction...but it is not. He doesn't give us pain, but we are all going to experience pain here on earth at some level. In Christ though we always have the hope that He will see us through, fellowship with us through. Grace is the friendship and promises of GOD over our earhtly lives that allow us to live and love from freedom and joy, and be comforted and strengthened when the mysteries of tragedy threaten us.

Miller proposes that The Happy Ending is found at a wedding feast, with drinking and dancing in Heaven, when all is made right. I have to say, I completely agree. In the meantime?

 I want to live the GREAT story He has for me! I want to stop fearing pain but look my future into her eyes and conquer her. I want to be more open to going places and doing things that don't match up with my orderly lists and tasks. I want to meet different people and hear their stories. Maybe, just maybe, I want to travel further than the state of Florida (I heart Florida!). I don't want to waste days worrying about how I would survive if I lost a child or my husband. Or meditate on the distasteful realities of aging. Or ponder the countless What If's!  I want to give to others the joy, peace and healing HE gives to me. I want to be beautiful, creative, funny and when all is said and done, I want to say:
"I wouldn't have changed a thing!"