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Last Friday we visited the Detroit Zoo with my Mom. I was so repulsed by the thought of wearing my down coat that I left it home. BAD IDEA! Oh, how I longed for it all day long. Despite the cold we had a great time and it was comforting to be reminded of God's sovereignty through studying all of the diverse animals and their habitats. Which sounds hilarious coming from me since I am not exactally a female Dr. Doolittle.
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| I heart her |
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| Bird watching |
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| I find myself taking pictures of light lately: it reminds me of being warm. I miss that. |
Saturday morning I dropped my Mom off at the airport. It wasn't pretty, in case you were wondering.
I set up a play area for Whitty Woo on Monday and I began intentionally spending structured time playing with her again. Her vocabulary has picked up nicely the last 5 days. She is also attempting to 'walk' more, although she still prefers the safety of Mom or Dad's finger.
The Bendert's so graciously invited us to have Easter dinner with them. Even though is was frigid outside temperature wise, the sun was blazing through the sky. We all had a very relaxing, yummy, and homesick free afternoon.
Then Monday hit me like a ton of bricks. I woke up to the chaos of the house-under-renovations that I have. I am not complaining or ungrateful, I truly almost love this house. But it is chaos. I have a hard time in chaos. Tim was back at work, and my Mom had been back in Florida for 48 hours. The pressures of the MRI appointment, the testing, finding a pediatrician, and navigating countless avenues to re-enroll Woo in her therapies were mounting. In between numerous phone calls I did a LOT of crying. Christa P., one of my dear friends who has walked these paths longer and more intensely than I have, called me that morning. Perfect timing. In between my sobs I was able to share with her my Big 3. My major fears. My questions. My worst case scenarios.
She gave me tons of great advice. The best being this: That if Whitney does in fact get a 'label', that is all it is. A label, not a life sentence."
A label, not a life sentence.
A label is something I have no control over.
Her future I do.
Christa told me not to forget that. Bing, bing...the chains of fear began to break. I won't Christa. I won't.
On Tuesday I woke up feeling so much better about life. Wednesday too. Chris came over Thursday. We all ate lunch and then we SCRUBBED the walls and base boards in my family room while the kids played outside. As we looked out one of the windows we saw this:
There was something very healing going on in my heart as I stood outside and witnessed how Lily and her dear friend made a sign out of wood and hung it on a tree.I used to do that as a kid. The sign said BFF...Lily is happy. She feels loved. She is growing. She had a victory. I got to share it with her.
Later that afternoon, after everyone left, I noticed some of the pre-teen boys playing basketball at the other end of our court. I told Cole that he could stop his work right where he was and go outside and introduce himself and play with those boys. See, Cole has always been brilliant. He can read and retain information like no one else I know. However confidently engaging with boys older than him in an athletic setting was never really something he had attempted yet. After a minute or two of contemplation, her decided he would go try. So as he walked down the road to introduce himself, Lily and I spied through the windows and we prayed. Literally, we prayed that they would not reject him. I watched his body get smaller and smaller as he left. Oh, how only the mother of a son knows this kind of foreshadowing. I could tell the boys were verbally conversing, but I saw nothing warm and inviting in the way of body language and eye contact. My pulse was rising and I was positioning myself to pounce on those bullies if they didn't stop for a second and act humanely to my boy. Then I remembered that they were, in fact, boys. So, as I saw them continuing to talk my pulse stabilized. Cole played a game of B-ball, and he actually held his own. After a few minutes I returned to my painting. Quite sometime later Cole walked in and reported to me how he had introduced himself, met the boys, played ball and enjoyed himself. I was so happy for him. Beaming. You see, for years, that 20 minute interaction was slightly beyond my little Einstein's social and athletic capabilities. Maybe I will find the same phenomena with Whitty. Maybe there will be things that take her much longer than the norm to accomplish...but then one day, that one special day, she will have her major breakthroughs too. Those breakthroughs will be my breakthroughs. My Christmas gifts on an ordinary day in April.
That night I went into Colie's room and thanked him.
"For what, Mom?"
"For doing what you did today Cole. For stepping out and having a major success."
Then I hugged him, tight.
"Mom...will you stop? We don't have blinds and all the boys are right outside playing flash-light hide and seek."
Hahhaha. We both laughed.
Yes, Cole, I will let go. That's what Mom's do. They love. They wait. They watch. They cry. They celebrate. They keep. They pray. They let go.
I asked Tim this week how he was handling all of this with Whitney. I asked him specifically about how he feels about the Big 3 questions I have regarding Whitty. He looked into my eyes in the middle of the kitchen's chaos and began. Referencing our favorite book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, he opened up said,
"I have been thinking, and really Jenn...it doesn't matter." Slowly he fed me his words, "Whatever God has planned for Whitney, what ever HE has designed for her story to be, that will be the best story. And I will be honored to be a part of it, in any and every way. She is my daughter and nothing will ever change that."
Can I just tell you how amazing it is to know a man like you know your own reflection, and then still have times where what is truly inside of him shocks you with its brilliance. He made things okay for me. We are going to beokay wonderful. Truly wonderful.
Life is a gift, I want to live it in a way that says 'Thank You'. Even on a Monday.
Thanks to all of you who have and are supporting, praying and loving on my family and me these past few weeks. It has been a strength, encouragement and a peace that goes beyond words. Much Obliged.
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| Whitty and her Pea Coat |
She gave me tons of great advice. The best being this: That if Whitney does in fact get a 'label', that is all it is. A label, not a life sentence."
A label, not a life sentence.
A label is something I have no control over.
Her future I do.
Christa told me not to forget that. Bing, bing...the chains of fear began to break. I won't Christa. I won't.
On Tuesday I woke up feeling so much better about life. Wednesday too. Chris came over Thursday. We all ate lunch and then we SCRUBBED the walls and base boards in my family room while the kids played outside. As we looked out one of the windows we saw this:
There was something very healing going on in my heart as I stood outside and witnessed how Lily and her dear friend made a sign out of wood and hung it on a tree.I used to do that as a kid. The sign said BFF...Lily is happy. She feels loved. She is growing. She had a victory. I got to share it with her.
Later that afternoon, after everyone left, I noticed some of the pre-teen boys playing basketball at the other end of our court. I told Cole that he could stop his work right where he was and go outside and introduce himself and play with those boys. See, Cole has always been brilliant. He can read and retain information like no one else I know. However confidently engaging with boys older than him in an athletic setting was never really something he had attempted yet. After a minute or two of contemplation, her decided he would go try. So as he walked down the road to introduce himself, Lily and I spied through the windows and we prayed. Literally, we prayed that they would not reject him. I watched his body get smaller and smaller as he left. Oh, how only the mother of a son knows this kind of foreshadowing. I could tell the boys were verbally conversing, but I saw nothing warm and inviting in the way of body language and eye contact. My pulse was rising and I was positioning myself to pounce on those bullies if they didn't stop for a second and act humanely to my boy. Then I remembered that they were, in fact, boys. So, as I saw them continuing to talk my pulse stabilized. Cole played a game of B-ball, and he actually held his own. After a few minutes I returned to my painting. Quite sometime later Cole walked in and reported to me how he had introduced himself, met the boys, played ball and enjoyed himself. I was so happy for him. Beaming. You see, for years, that 20 minute interaction was slightly beyond my little Einstein's social and athletic capabilities. Maybe I will find the same phenomena with Whitty. Maybe there will be things that take her much longer than the norm to accomplish...but then one day, that one special day, she will have her major breakthroughs too. Those breakthroughs will be my breakthroughs. My Christmas gifts on an ordinary day in April.
That night I went into Colie's room and thanked him.
"For what, Mom?"
"For doing what you did today Cole. For stepping out and having a major success."
Then I hugged him, tight.
"Mom...will you stop? We don't have blinds and all the boys are right outside playing flash-light hide and seek."
Hahhaha. We both laughed.
Yes, Cole, I will let go. That's what Mom's do. They love. They wait. They watch. They cry. They celebrate. They keep. They pray. They let go.
I asked Tim this week how he was handling all of this with Whitney. I asked him specifically about how he feels about the Big 3 questions I have regarding Whitty. He looked into my eyes in the middle of the kitchen's chaos and began. Referencing our favorite book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, he opened up said,
"I have been thinking, and really Jenn...it doesn't matter." Slowly he fed me his words, "Whatever God has planned for Whitney, what ever HE has designed for her story to be, that will be the best story. And I will be honored to be a part of it, in any and every way. She is my daughter and nothing will ever change that."
Can I just tell you how amazing it is to know a man like you know your own reflection, and then still have times where what is truly inside of him shocks you with its brilliance. He made things okay for me. We are going to be
Life is a gift, I want to live it in a way that says 'Thank You'. Even on a Monday.
Thanks to all of you who have and are supporting, praying and loving on my family and me these past few weeks. It has been a strength, encouragement and a peace that goes beyond words. Much Obliged.
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| She stood for a second. Perfect timing Woo! |
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| Laying out, Michigan style. |
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| Our first date night in Michigan |
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| Tim cutting down limbs with a metal saw next to our electrical wires. Oye! |
Jenn, you are beautiful. You are so beautiful. What a heart you have. Your children and your family are SO blessed to have you. I am in tears now reading this beautiful post. Hold onto that faith in our God. Thank you for sharing so honestly and so beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThank you Annette!
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